In the Right Spot

Recently, Samaritans Purse wanted to hire me for the season in getting Christmas boxes sorted through and ready to ship all around the world. When I interviewed initially, on the phone...I may or may not have had pants on...I was overwhelmed that God would give me the opportunity to work for such an influential and world changing organization. I had applied there for several jobs over the summer, and even drove up to Boone to tour the headquarters. I prayed and prayed God would give it to me!! Since this summer, God has done an incredible work in my life, things I never saw coming for my life. In fact checking Facebook today, this was my status today a year ago:
I've been in a funky place for a while in life. Sometimes it shows through and I get it out through nervous energy, or through infatuation with death, and wishing God would please just take me. I thought for a while it was just lack of sunshine, but I found myself tonight still just not feeling life. As I drove home I talked to the Lord, "What gives God?!" "Why?! Why do I feel this way?" And the Lord told me, sometimes we can't be ready for His answer. I've not been doing what I was created to do. That will make anyone miserable! I'M THERE! MISERABLE! Disobeying God, running from Him, not doing what He specifically put in us to do for His glory and Kingdom....that's scary shaky ground to be on. How do I get back? I don't know. But He's asked me to trust Him. That's all I can do. Allow the brushstrokes to cover up these flaws and make this ugly sinner into a masterpiece. I can't wait for Heaven when all will be right, when all will be revealed. When perfection will be attainable. In the meantime I'm finding my way back to Him and things He has called me to do and be.
What a difference a year makes! A promotion at my job, and a second job at my "dream job" Lifeway Christian Resources where I am on the ministry frontlines! God has taken me through years of testing to get to this point...and I'm still in testing! It never stops! I've sought after His favor, wanting nothing else but Him. We can't serve 2 gods. It's Jesus or Jesus. Not Jesus and myself, or Jesus and another noun.
God has given me an incredible friend and relationship in my life as of recent months. Though He stripped me of all I knew and had, He gave me this amazing friend who I can share things with. She's been there in this season of restoration God is pouring on my life. I shared with her that I was rethinking Samaritans Purse as an employment opportunity. Am I crazy!? This is what I wanted! Here's what God spoke to my heart, and what she helped me understand hours before going to sign employment paperwork:

1. God is providing financially for me through extra work and other opportunities.
2. God was showing me that He's capable of giving me what I desire and want. But He also is showing me that it might be what I want, but is it where He wants me? And am I being effective to the ministry He has given me?
3. I work myself to death to avoid life. To avoid people, and situations. I end up not having a life, and burning out.
4. I can't neglect who HE HAS given me at this present moment to minister to. He brings people, one life at a time to invest in and make a lasting impact and difference.

So I turned down Samaritans Purse. I never thought I would turn a job down, let alone Samaritans Purse! Something I wanted so bad! I've spent many years unemployed and looking tirelessly for a job. Are there things you need to turn down because it's causing you not do what God has purposed in you? Are you doing things for bragging rights? Do you feel like you aren't making a difference because you aren't doing huge things? Tell God, ask Him what He thinks. Listen to His Spirit speak and convict you. Ask Him to give you wisdom, and discernment. Just because a package has what your heart is on the front, it might be a smaller package compared to what God really has for you to open. Something that your heart didn't know it could take in and love, something it didn't even know.
I've found in my walk with Jesus that there is more depth when we expand our worldview beyond the church walls. Physical building walls, and walls of people who are just like us. As a result we don't experience God in a way He desires to be experienced. This is what is so impactful about the story of the Good Samaritan. I've had to look at my life personally and assess where I am. Who am I walking by on my way to do more religious things?
My advice and personal conviction from Jesus speaking to my spirit is that we do just that...listen to what Jesus is saying...are we in the right spot?

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