Shadows at Midnight

"But you are a chosen people [son, daughter], a royal priesthood, a holy nation [son, daughter], God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." -1 Peter 2:9 Last night and into this morning, I was faced with a lot of doubting thoughts. Am I denying myself things I need? Have I really been deceiving myself? Have I been burying myself so deep in my work and things I do to avoid hurts and sorrows? Is God really not enough for me? These thoughts were not easy to think, were they true? But gosh, I think about all the songs we sing about our Savior, and think of all He has brought me through. Why would I want to feel the pain? Have I not thought about it enough? There is no where I would rather be than hiding in Jesus and His work and ministry. Am I wrong for that? Is He really not the answer? What can man do for me? I'd Rather have Jesus than anything. Are things ever going to stop bothering me? I don't know. I do know that God is truth, and He is my everything regardless of what people might say or observe. He is, as my sister said this morning, "Jesus...my Healer, my Hope, my Strength, my God, my Joy, my Peace, my Rock, my Fortress, my Shield, my Portion, my Deliverer, my Refuge, my All in All, my King, my Everything, my Comfort, my Help, my Redeemer, my Friend, my Savior, my Salvation...there aren't enough words to describe Him..." The shadow of doubt surrounded me. But do you know why it did? Because I turned away from the light. I started thinking about what I can do to fix myself, what am I going to do, how am I going to do it? What about this, that? What if this? It stressed me out ya'll! When we cast the shadow of doubt in our minds we then block the light of God's truth in our hearts. I needed to turn back toward the light. You see, we were created to live in the Light, by focusing in what God thinks about us. Jesus is the light of the world. (John 8:12) "Whoever FOLLOWS me will never walk in darkness." Am I a messed up person? Yeah. Since I was born, and thank the Lord for people who have been patient with me my whole life. However, when we FOLLOW Jesus closely in our thoughts, we find our confidence in Him. As we shift the focus from our feelings of inadequacy, and feelings in general, and all the crap we possess as human beings, and things we have been through, when we shift them to His promises of all-sufficiency, we can exchange our lack of self-confidence with lasting God-confidence. In doing so our lives become a witness. Call me crazy all you want, if you aren't a Christian you can't understand this. You've got to want it bad, and I want it bad so Jesus is the Answer to my mystifying life everyday. He understands me better than even I understand myself. I don't know why I do the things I do, or think the things I do, or have experienced the things I have, but I can tell you it's apart of a plan, and God is at the center of that plan, so why not trust the plan maker? Why not? God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing. (C.S. Lewis). God allows us to experience the hardest times so we can say for HIS glory, "God is faithful, and his promises are true." Feelings will always change, there is no absolute, truth is absolute, never changing, that is our God; truth is truth, it never changes. When you feel inadequate, remember you are chosen (Isaiah 43:10) When you feel unstable or unable, God says you ARE able. (Habakkuk 3:19) When you feel unworthy, remember you are Loved by the King! (Isaiah 43:4)