A Peter Problem

"Peter said to Him [Jesus], “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.” 29 And He said, “Come!” And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But seeing the wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!” 31 Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him, and *said to him, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?" -Matthew 14:28-31

Last night as I was emailing a friend of mine, my thoughts came together, and I quickly realized I have a Peter problem. I was telling her some of the things the Lord has revealed to me the past few days. I am ADD so I do 100 things at one time, because I can't focus long enough to do 1 thing and take it all in, then on to the next. Hard to explain. When I write I'm on several other sites, and doing other things and my posts eventually get done. It's ridiculous really.

I've always liked the disciple Peter, because I can identify with him on many things. Jesus picked very diverse disciples for a reason.

One of the things God has spoken to me about on a few occasions, most recently yesterday was the fact that I walk too carefully with Him. I walk doubtfully. It's true. I am close in some ways, but in other ways I fall away from Him. I don't want to, but I do. Before Jesus was crucified we read in Mark 14:54 that Peter followed behind Jesus at a distance. This was after he cut off the soldiers ear for coming to arrest Jesus, and was about to denying Jesus.

I think Peter, because of his recklessness, and boldness, though it was never in a good way, allowed him to experience Jesus in a way, that none of the other disciples were able to experience, because none of them were like Peter. Peter was the type who had to constantly put his foot in his mouth for blurting stuff out, I'm sure when he went to bed at night he would relive the day and beat himself up for things he did or didn't do.
It was Peter who didn't want Jesus to wash his feet, it was Peter who stepped out of the boat into the storm, only to end up thinking he "had this" without Jesus, then sank. Peter was the first to confess Jesus as Messiah, he was one of the first disciples Jesus called.

The key thing I want to focus on is the very thing God has spoken to me. Why do I walk close to Him on the crashing waves, yet on dry ground, follow Him at a distance? Since this is true, I pray God keeps me in storm more than on dry ground. The very essence of it all is faith. Sometimes my faith is huge, and I say yes Lord do some crazy stuff in me, tell me to do some crazy stuff, and I'll do it. Then He does, and I'm in for a while, then realize what I'm doing and sink because, duh! Humans can't walk on water and do crazy stuff like that!!

What's more is I can't explain why I doubt my Father. But I know that God chose me for a reason, and will continue to work on me and prove himself to me over and over until my faith becomes unwavering, and I allow Jesus to love me the way He wants to love me, and to wash me, and clean out all the things that make me doubt Him. I'm so thankful for a patient Savior, who will continue to work on me until the day He returns and take me home with Him.

Peter did become a humble, willing, and obedient follower and apostle of Christ. He was there when the church began in Acts, he received the Holy Spirit and went out to spread the gospel, no doubt telling others his testimony of being with Christ, and how He radically changed his life.

Father, grow my faith, help my unbelief in you. Thank you for the example of Peter, and that you loved him past his imperfections, how you changed Him. Thank you for how you have changed me. May we all seek you more, keeping our eyes always on You. Our focus has been lost, and it must be restored back to You, Father. I long to hear from You, and You alone, the world must be turned off in my mind and heart and turned on to You. It's the only way I will truly learn who You are, and who You want to be to me. It's my fault that You feel so distant at times, and its' my fault that I can't get in my heart how much You love me. I refuse to let you wash my feet, and I repent of all these things, Father. Help me to daily deny myself, picking up my cross and following after You. Forgive me for blurting stuff out, and not being the kind of bold you want me to be. Do whatever it takes to keep me close to you. If I cannot follow you on dry ground throw me in the storm, that I would grab hold of your hand, and trust You. Thank you for loving me despite me, fill me with Yourself to overflowing. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.