Taking the Next Step

A couple of weeks ago I celebrated my one year anniversary being Portland. It was really special because my missions pastor happened to fly into town that same week and we spent an hour or two together on the lawn of my job sharing and talking about the past year here. It was so amazing to sit there with him full circle one year later.
Portland has been tough for me. I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to leave. Obviously from my last VERY transparent post you can tell things aren't so glamorous here. But, the lessons and the blessings, and triumphs have so outweighed the hardships and fails. What a journey it has been. My life is richer having lived life along side a few special friends, who have become my family over this last year. I'm thankful to have been loved through ugly times, and encouraged and strengthened by words of correction, and direction.
I'm constantly asking God, "What's next?" My ears stay attuned to His voice, and leadership...so desperately wanting to follow Him in all He has for me. With a heart so heavy for missions, I beg Him to use me, and send me to do great things for His Kingdom. I say this with a laugh. God isn't about a show, or me being seen. I ask Him often why can't I be apart of this, or do that, or be like this person?! Gently, He takes my hand and looks at me and simply says, "Follow me. I'm protecting you, child." And with a sigh and a little dissappointment, I follow Him, my face downcast until He shows me where He's taking me. Jesus loves me, this I know. He leads us places we never expect at times we never saw coming. Such intricate planning and details and so wonderful to live.
When I came to Portland my commitment time was for a year. For a while, however, I sensed God was asking me to commit to being here longer than a year. Sometimes I wonder if He is just testing us when He asks such things. Kind of like Issac moments, how far am I willing to go for Him? Am I willing to put my family on the alter for Him?
Shortly after my last trip home, when I came back to this home, Portland home, I again struggled with leaving my family, and being away from home. I cry for a solid 2-3 weeks until I'm okay again. In this time God began to put it on my heart and mind to think about going home to Charlotte, that my mission here was coming to an end. I wrestled with that for a while, Was that emotions? Was that fear? Or was God really going to let me go home?! There were a lot of things that started me asking if it was time to go home. I started praying toward going back next February when the lease on my apartment was up. There just wasn't peace. I talked to a couple of people I confide in here, and just let it all out, the good, bad, ugly, and glorious. And God directed me, and lead me, and I knew in my heart what I needed to do. You see, it's in the times that we are in the dark where we must see with our heart, I believe. Faith sees with the heart. And so, with all that said, I will be returning to Charlotte, North Carolina August 25th. There is such peace, and confirmation in this decision. It wasn't easy! But I'm so excited to be returning home to do missions work in my church, and be a missionary to my home. I'm excited to see my family, and be apart of some exciting upcoming events in our lives. Though, I feel I won't be home long until God moves me again. Portland is just beginning of the adventure. This place holds a very special place in my heart, and it always will. God's heart is here. There is apart me of that feels that God isn't done using me in Portland, and I know I will be back in some way, shape or form.

I want to leave you with some Faith Lessons God has taught me in my time here.
>Jesus is enough. He lives in me, and I am IN CHRIST.
>Be quick to repent, forgive, and love; being right with the Spirit, being right with others.
>Love more, judge less. Love covers, it does not expose.
>My attitude determines success or failure. When I have a bad attitude I miss opportunities and Jesus.
>Jesus is always going before me preparing the way. What have I to fear? The God of Angel Armies is always by my side, and always making a way.
>He teaches through children, He loves the little children. No need for complex ideologies, He's calling me to come as a child.
>Expectations blind us to the path put before us. This is how crises happens.
>The will to be faithful. Staying planted, pressing on, saying yes to Jesus. I choose Jesus!
>Euchariesteo: Grace, Joy, Thankfulness. 1,000 gifts.
>The power of the cross. Jesus' death on the cross did much more than merely save me from hell, it totally changed all of creation, and much more!