It Is Well With my Soul

"Even though I have received such wonderful revelations from God. So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong." -2 Corinthians 12:7-10

So, did you check out the "About" page? Hopefully you did in that you can have a better idea of what this ministry is about, and where I'm coming from as the writer of the words you read. In the next few posts I want to expound on the vision and mission of the ministry and share with you personally what God has done in my life to get to this point. I shared that this ministry was born out of the darkness in my life. The darkness of suicide and depression/anxiety that has been in my life the past 15 years. For many years I lived secluded in myself struggling with this alone. I was too ashamed to tell anyone. I laid in bed most nights fighting for my life asking God to take this away.

Maybe I didn't have enough faith? Maybe I wasn't praying hard enough? Maybe I was just a huge screw up and mistake and it would be better if I just wasn't anymore. Maybe I'm being punished for the bad kid I am? Maybe there's unrepentant sin in my life? These are the wrong questions and assumptions.

Our sufferings in this world aren't to a bitter end. We have to change the way we think, our hearts must be touched by Jesus so our soul knows to sing, "It is well." That in the grace He gives us, charis, becomes our thank you to God. Thank you, Lord, for the thorns in the flesh. All power to you, God, as I rejoice in it! For His sake I'm being made like Him. And like the crown of thorns that pierced His brow, I let this thorn pierce me that I may stay humble. Satan looses his power in us when these thorns no longer discourage us, but instead make us stronger. Not because we can take it, but because Jesus is giving us Himself in these moments of weakness to make it.

It was never about overcoming it, or battling against it, or praying it away. It was always about my heart and how I would respond. God cares more about what's in us than what surrounds us or how much our hands can hold. So I began to see my struggle with depression, anxiety, and suicide as an avenue to Jesus and bringing others with me to Him, rather than a hindrance. You don't have to have all your stuff together to be in ministry. God wants a willing heart, and obedient servant to His mission. I thank Him that He loves me, and that through this pain and struggle He is showing me His constant availability to me by His grace to endure. Because isn't the graceful truth and message of the gospel of Jesus Christ and His cross that it is available and applicable to ALL. And though we may never experience total relief in the circumstances we face in life, there is a guarantee of a future resurrection. So we all struggle, saved and unsaved alike. The difference is are we who do know Jesus humble enough to recognize our own brokenness so we may walk with others in their struggles and offer the hope of Jesus.

Whatever the lot of my life, it's well with me because God initiated everything about me. I have faith that He is using everything for His glory and my good. Even the angels bend over the rails of Heaven to see...amazed! "God the Father loves her!? Look at what His love is capable of!" I pray your heart too can say, It is well. Thanking Him for everything, and for His grace that touches everything.