Generations
Growing up I spent a lot of time with my grandmothers, I never knew my dads dad, and my moms dad died when I was five. As my brother and I got older we would spend weeks at a time with our grandma in Charlotte, and with our grandmama in Tennessee. When we would go to church, I was so shy and timid that I couldn't stand to leave my grandmama's side. So I would go in her Sunday school class. Of course as time went on I became brave enough to venture into my own age group, but the connection with all those older folks stayed with me. We would go spend weeks on the farm in Pauline with our Aunt and Uncle and cousins and spend time with MaMa and PaPa. We were always around generations.
My dad would go on to be a full time pastor after filling pulpits here and there around North Carolina. While in our second church, I was a young teenager. I was offered by one of the church members who was Director of Human Resources to become a Volunteer at the hospital. I was 14, this would be my first time out in the real world. I started on the Skilled Nursing Floor and assisted the activities director in playing games with the patients, spending time reading to them, feeding them, painted the ladies nails, we did all sorts of fun things. Once my grandmama found out I was painting other grandmas nails she demanded I paint her nails next time I came to Tennessee, and I did. During my dads pastorate, I would ride with him to do visitation to shut-ins, and visit those in the hospital.
As I grew into an adult, life had shaped me to take care of people; to be sensitive to the needs of others, and try to help. But more than that, I surrounded my life with older women, probably more for the mere fact that I am constantly in trouble. But I believe all the years spent with my dad in ministry had a large affect on my life. While on the outside a rebellious hell-raising kid, deep inside I knew Jesus was the way, and that I wanted to be like my dad.
My dad left full time ministry at the end of 2007, and we moved to Charlotte in 2008 where God would begin to chip away at me even more. I answered the call of ministry, and went about in life and ministry.
In 2014 I returned to Charlotte from moving my life to Portland Oregon to pursue missions, God let me know it was time to go home, He clearly told me my family needed me. My family did need me, from cousins to Aunts and Uncle, to grandma's. I found myself going over the mountain once a month to see to my Grandmama, and other family members facing serious health concerns, and newborn babies. In April 2015 my Charlotte grandma suffered a hip break at our church, and the Lord alerted me to it sitting in church, "Go find your grandma!." Upon finding her she was laid out on a stretcher. It was all downhill from there, she had been showing signs of her health failing. My grandma was a feisty lady, she would argue with you, come back with a smart answer, or make up her own thing and let that be the end of that.
In 2016 my precious Grandmama passed away, I remember finding out late that Friday night. A massive stroke. I dropped everything and headed over the mountain. It was the most devastating, and still to this day the most devastating loss I have ever endured. She was able to die in her house a very happy woman. We were blessed that she had a cleaning lady from her church come and clean her house once a week, and my Aunt and Uncle lived nearby. She wasn't very sickly or in decline of health. She turned 90 for a week, then God took her.
Come summer 2017 my Charlotte Grandma required round the clock attention. We couldn't leave her by herself overnight or for prolonged periods of time. The Lord was gracious to allow me to work near her house and I would run over on my lunch hour to be sure she had eaten and was clean. Between my 2 aunts, my dad, and myself we all took turns spending the night with her. I affectionately called it, Granny Sitting. She may have been exhausted, but she still had enough energy in her to get on my case about stuff. What a handful she was was. We were all exhausted in keeping up with her and we as individuals. We started researching and seeing what all was available to seniors. We reached out to Council on the Aging in Union County, and placed her on a wait list for in home care. Months went by, and in April of 2018 I sat with my Aunt in my grandmas living room. Hospice was coming to start services with my grandma. She was in end stage heart failure, and there was nothing else the doctors could do. Grandma would live 9 more good months in her home surrounded by her loved ones. She didn't have to go to a nursing home. My Aunts did the majority of the care, but I still showed up on weekends. Grandma expected it, She bluntly told me one day, "I'm going away, and I'm not coming back so you better come see me while I'm here!" She died January 26th, 2019.
Just this passed week I got a phone call from Council on the Aging, they were calling to follow up with me on my grandma and to see if we still required their services. I let them know she had passed in January 2019, and that hospice had come in at that end. As I hung up the phone my heart shattered. It's been 3 years since I put her name on the wait list. All these memories flooded back in my head, I began to live it all again. And I thought, how many other seniors die waiting for help? The next day I emailed Council on the Aging requesting to speak in depth about how their services work, and what I could do to help. I'm not angry or bitter towards Council on the Aging, or somehow think my grandma would still be here if they had stepped in. Or how exhausted we were. No, this pain that welled up inside me wanted to help, and I wanted to honor my grandmothers memory. We couldn't get help right away, but maybe I could do something so someone else doesn't have to wait as long.
Click this link to be directed to Council on the Aging Union County website. I learned Union County only has a small handful of aids who can go into homes and provide care. Depending on what care each individual needs, and where they live, sometimes aids can only do 2 or 3 people a day. Maybe 1 person moves up on the list a month. They are seriously lacking in funds because there isn't a large awareness of who Council on Aging is. The more funds they bring in, the more aids they can hire. I have signed up to be a Volunteer, and am meeting with my Missions Pastor soon to discuss how our church may be able to meet this HUGE need in our community. I encourage you to research your own local Council on the Aging and reach out to see if there is any help needed. For me this is personal. This is making sure our seniors who have built what we have today can stay in their homes comfortably on their own at no cost to them. My grandma was dirt poor, she did well for the little bit of Social Security she received. She couldn't afford an agency or personal care assistant.
The Bible says a lot about our aging elders, and generations. I encourage you to find it, read it, and treasure it in your heart. Their lives matter as if they were still 30 years old. Getting old and feeble can be scary, and it's so frustrating. Old hunched over men used to be strong young men, and probably fought for our country. I remember how annoyed my grandmama would be when her body wouldn't act right, those bees in her bonnet kept her young.
For the sake of our parents, and our grandparents and teaching the next generation behind us, lets remember them. Lets honor our parents, and reap blessings. I hope you will join me on this endeavor. Life is the very idea; the very thought, the very breath and creation of God.
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