Internal Battle

"This, in essence, is the message we heard from Christ and are passing on to you: God is light, pure light; there’s not a trace of darkness in him. If we claim that we experience a shared life with him and continue to stumble around in the dark, we’re obviously lying through our teeth—we’re not living what we claim. But if we walk in the light, God himself being the light, we also experience a shared life with one another, as the sacrificed blood of Jesus, God’s Son, purges all our sin. If we claim that we’re free of sin, we’re only fooling ourselves. A claim like that is errant nonsense. On the other hand, if we admit our sins—make a clean breast of them—he won’t let us down; he’ll be true to himself. He’ll forgive our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing. If we claim that we’ve never sinned, we out-and-out contradict God—make a liar out of him. A claim like that only shows off our ignorance of God." - 1 John 1:5-10, The Message

This past week in the Carolinas we endured several tornados that ripped through our small towns, and cities. There was panic, and chaos; unknowns. Where do we go? What do we do? What if it touches down near us? Storms are scary, and can bring damage to the things that surround us everyday. Sometimes we don't realize things exist until a storm comes through and Sometimes it takes a storm to draw attention to things in our life that we never knew were there, things that need restructuring, even rebuilding. A storm to uproot a sin that needs confessing, or a person that doesn't need to be an influence in our life anymore. God's goal for the believers life is to make sure our lives are built on Jesus Christ and His Word.
Two Wednesday nights ago, sitting in my chair after work, I was waiting for traffic to thin out so I could go to choir. In that moment God squeezed my heart to confess something I had been hiding and fighting myself for most of my life. An internal battle, I couldn't possibly tell anyone in the church! I texted a friend who I knew would show no judgement or view me in a different way after telling her. Mid-text I heard God say, "Tell me! Come to me!" I had heard these words before from Him. In the sin of trying to take my own life some years ago, God met me in my desperation on a couch with cuts on my arm and wrist. In these moments where we feel He is so far away, Jesus will always come to find us. Jesus always cares. The truth is, we cannot fight and manage sin, only God can crush it! So must give it to Him, release it from ourselves and let Him destroy it. I sat in my chair scared to death if I acknowledged my sin before God, and told the truth, He would send me to hell. The Bible has very stern warnings and doctrine in what I have been hiding. Satan was blinding my eyes. God already knew my struggle. He reminded me that all these years as I have kept it suppressed deep inside me, He still has used me for His glory. He reminded me that I am still His. Nothing can separate me from Him. He wasn't going to drop me now. As I came to my Father in truth, dams started breaking in my heart, and my eyes. I felt His love, His goodness, His mercy, and forgiveness in an extra special way. Sunday services that following Sunday were all the sweeter as I came to know Jesus in an even deeper way that week. I am the worst of all sinners, I get myself into trouble more than I can keep track of, and never intentionally. We are all bent toward sin, and inclined more to believe the voice of Satan than we are Jesus. Calvary satisfied God's wrath against me. Jesus' obedience to His Father in death, opened the door for me to inherit Jesus and The Kingdom. When the veil tore top to bottom, God let it be known, You can come to me! The Lamb has been slain and His blood lasts forever!! There is much truth to the prophets Isaiah's proclaiming, "No matter how deep your stain, He can make you whiter than snow." He can make a heart come back to life, weeding out all the stuff that gets built up and dirty.
Below are a few of the songs we sang in church last Sunday, I hope it will encourage you. I especially love, I Got Saved. We sing differently when we come from pain, when we come healed, when we come knowing we've been saved. We look at others through a different lens when we know what God has done in our lives, and trust Him to do it for others. Jesus doesn't burden with shame, He gave us HIS name! Stop fighting a fight that's already been won!