The Butterfly Inside Me

O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. -Psalm 139

We are all born with a butterfly looking gland fluttering in the lower part of our neck. It's called, the thyroid and it controls a lot of the body as apart of the endocrine system. When it gets out of whack the rest of your body is in trouble! We all suffer health concerns, it seems to be apart of life. My life changed this past week after receiving a diagnoses of Hashimotos Disease; an autoimmune disorder that causes my immune system to see my thyroid as an intruder and tries to destroy it. Additionally, my thyroid isn't doing it's job and is under-performing, this is hypothyroidism. It can cause hair loss, fatigue, weight gain, depression, anxiety, inflammation of joints and muscles, digestive and leaky gut issues, brain fog, forgetfulness, rapid heart beat, just to name a few. I have dealt with all of theses symptoms for most of my adult life.

I was first diagnosed with hypothyroidism (under-active thyroid) in the fall of 2010 during the fall semester of college, I was twenty-one years old. I was having trouble staying awake through and in between classes during the day. That was the biggest symptom I remember. I went on a small dose of medication of synthetic hormones to help balance me out. Of course being the headstrong rebel I am, I grew tired of taking a pill everyday and quit taking the medication. Somehow, by the grace of God, my thyroid reset itself (so I thought) after a blood test confirmed a year or so later. The thyroid is a sneaky little gland and can be stubborn too. It will show symptoms in your body, but its hard to trace it back to the thyroid even with a blood test sometimes. Also, I didn't read or research a lot about the thyroid and my condition when I was in my 20's. I made up my mind that I wasn't going to be on a pill forever, I wasn't sick, I was going to be fine! Invincible mindset of a young stupid kid. Adulthood should be entered at 30.

Fast Forward to 2020. 10 years later.
A visit to the doctor office in February for depression and work stress put me on 50mg of an anti-depressant again. My doctor wanted to recheck me in a month to see where I was and also do a physical. A blood test as apart of my physical showed my thyroid levels off. My doctor instructed to come back in another month for a re-check in blood work. I knew it had flared up again just based on the fact that I had been feeling worse than usual. The symptoms have always been there, sometimes they are more pronounced. The unfortunate part is that being in a pandemic and current life being so weird anyway, it was hard to determine if what I was feeling was in fact thyroid related or the fact that life has been turned upside down? Just as in college, was I experiencing fatigue and inflamed joint and muscle pain because...college?! I was taking a full load, writing tons of papers, working at my church a lot, and working a job at McDonald's.

The bloodwork not only confirmed my thyroid function was low, but that I had the autoimmune type Hashimotos. My doctor encouraged me to research and change my diet, and I'll see her for a recheck in 3 months. My research thus far has opened my eyes to so much concerning my health over the past decade! Connections were being made as I realized all these health issues I've dealt with have played into the hand of this disease. My goals in the next three months are: to finally feel better, reduce the autoimmune attack in my body through various protocols, identifying triggers, and finally remission. I've also learned that autoimmune conditions often co-occur. With this diagnoses I am at risk for other autoimmune diseases like celiac, chrohns, lupus, Addisons, just to name a few. Autoimmune is a mechanism of progression. Now that my immune system is attacking one organ, it can target other organs in my body to attack.

Research also shows that Hashimotos has 5 stages of disease progression. I am in stage 4 of the disease as of this date, I believe I was in stage 2 when I was in college. Stage 4 means I am in thyroid failure, it can no longer make enough hormones or compensate due to the damage. The good news is a diet change and detoxing and eating a very strict diet will reverse progression, and slow the move into stage 5 where other autoimmune diseases will take presence. My mistake in my 20's was not sticking to taking care of myself and taking the medication prescribed, or staying in the care of my doctor. However, to my credit, I was a poor college student...life is just hard sometimes. Triggers (stressors) are things that can make the gene that is already in my body switch on the genetic expression of the disease. I was under a lot of stress at work, I moved into a new home, suffered the death of a loved one...there's a long list of triggers that put bodies into emotional distress and autoimmune response.

My diet has changed to gluten free, dairy free, a small list of vegetables, smaller list of fruits, I can eat all the meat I want as long as it's wild caught. Still researching, but I do know all my pantry and freezer needs to be cleaned out and start over. I have popcorn, poptarts, pancake mix, jiffy muffins, crackers, chips, cereal, macaroni and cheese...can't eat any of it.

In any case, I will be a more responsible adult this go round, and keep trusting the Lord in all His ways. I'll keep thanking the Lord for another day to wake up and do His will on Earth. I will thank Him for writing my story and knowing all my days. I thank Him for the opportunities to draw nearer to Him, to learn His hand, and heart. To feel His face shine on mine.

To close, I'm loving this new song out by Zach Williams featuring Dolly Pardon, "There was Jesus." As the Psalmist proclaims in the above the Psalm 139, "Where can I go from your presence?!" Powerful truths to cling to.