God Would You Heal This?

"Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering,

yet we considered him punished by God,

stricken by him, and afflicted.

But he was pierced for our transgressions,

he was crushed for our iniquities;

the punishment that brought us peace was on him,

and by his wounds we are healed.

We all, like sheep, have gone astray,

each of us has turned to our own way;

and the Lord has laid on him

the iniquity of us all.

He was oppressed and afflicted,

yet he did not open his mouth;

Yet it was the Lord’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer,

and though the Lord makes his life an offering for sin,

he will see his offspring and prolong his days,

and the will of the Lord will prosper in his hand.

After he has suffered,

he will see the light of life and be satisfied;

by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,

and he will bear their iniquities."

-Isaiah 53

I have learned to pray in the midnight hour when plagued by my mind. Thoughts that trick me, anxieties that keep me knotted up, traumas of that past that make me forget I'm okay..."God would you heal this?"  It happened the other night, terrors of the past came to haunt me.  Instead of getting stuck in the downward spiral of pity and lost thoughts, I stopped and prayed.  God's presence heals us.  Whether it is Satan or God bringing up the wound, it can be healed.  Satan brings it up to shame us, and blame us.  God brings it up to heal us and restore us.  (He restores my soul-Psalm 23.)  And so the other night I laid there reliving the memory, but I brought God into it, and I remembered His faithfulness to me all my life.  All the years; nearly 20 years I suffered silently inside of myself not knowing what to do or how to get help, or why I was the way the I was.  All those 20 years I begged God for healing, to take it away, and He never really did.  But He was always there, and He loved me in my world of pain.  His healing in that moment shifted the focus from questions of what should have happened in those years, or what should not have happened.  Suddenly, I realized that Jesus had given me the sweetest gifts in those years of suffering.  He had allowed me to write beautiful things, he allowed me to play music and have outlets that relieved the pain inside me.  It was always about Him being right there, and the balm of a chorus that could leave my heart to the Healer.  There's no one else to sing to, there's no one else putting breath in my lungs but Him.  He bore it all.  All the trauma, all the depression, all the sin, all the pride, all the immorality...He killed it on the cross.

God, would you heal this?  My hands are off of it to control it, to try and heal it myself.  Alcohol didn't heal it...anger didn't heal it.  Self-destruction of all sorts didn't heal it.  Would you heal this sin?  Heal this memory?  This relationship?  My mind?  My heart?  Shift them to focus on You.  You who are with me in the fire of it.  

You're with us in the brokenness of relationships, the brokenness of this world.  You're with us in the stress of working.  With us in the pain.  Make us aware of your presence.  That is what heals.  Lead us to do things that are full of Your presence.  To be with people who make us look Godward.  Help us to remember to invite you into the things that lead us in a downward spiral.  You are faithful and you will come to our rescue.

I get so excited in church when we sing, I can't contain myself some Sundays!  God has worked so greatly in my life.  When He has healed you.  When He has delivered you.  When He has given you a new life.  Have you been close to death and grave, I have, he pulled me out!  There's so much God has done in my life, and it's hard to be quiet about.  I am reminded of all His faithfulness to me, and so much to be thankful for.

As always I will end the post with a song.  It's one of my very favorites, and constantly is playing in my head.